“Adult” Cyberbullying

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So. . . I was on TV last night. Not for the fun crafty stuff that I do on occasion. But for something far more severe. I’ve always known that cyberbullying is serious, but now more than ever after becoming a target of a particularly awful flavor: revenge porn.

Full Article Here

Two weeks ago I woke up to several messages and new friend requests on my phone. I’m not a terribly popular person so this struck me as strange. I ignored the friend requests, then looked at messages on facebook. Then on twitter. Then in my email. A few of these messages were from “friendly” strangers informing me about some awful post about me.

What is going on?

After I replied to an email with, “I’m not clicking on some random link.” One stranger spelled it out for me.

He replied: “Someone posted nude photos of you online. . . I wanted to alert you ASAP so you could have them removed ASAP.”

Now I’m thinking, WHAT THE WHAAT?!? I know for a fact I’ve never been in front of a camera naked, so this was very strange. I finally clicked. I was horrified.

Someone stole photos (real photos) from this blog and posted them next to gobs of particularly disgusting naked photos of someone else. If someone didn’t know me personally, they would have easily thought it was me before doing a double-take. And then. . . they wrote about things that I would “do” and linked to my personal Facebook profile.

This site had a clickable button offering to remove the post, however they wanted hundreds of dollars to do so. Extortion much? They should be the ones paying me for slander and stealing my copyrighted images. This one page alone got over 60,000 hits in less than two weeks.

melissaesplin-family-photos-sarah-wilkes-1

There were tears. Sobs, even. It felt personal and the violation was real. Like the creepy slime from perverted individuals was closing in on me. In my own home.

More awful than the piles of messages with gross solicitations or any threat to sully my online reputation these disgusting creeps managed to steal my time. They ruffled enough of my feathers that I lost out on precious family and work time. NOT COOL.

Progress is stalled on getting the post removed as the site seems to be registered from an “unfriendly” country that doesn’t recognize internet policing. Frustrating. It’s unfortunate how common this particular abuse is becoming. So what to do to prevent it? Basically nothing. Although, I’m sure sexting/snap chatting is probably not a good idea.

What to do if cyberbullying happens to you?

  • Make sure your social media is on lock down. There are loads of configurations for privacy on facebook. I’ve got mine just about as private as one can get.
  • Contact authorities. The FBI handles this kind of issue. Submit a complaint to IC3.gov, it’s actually pretty quick and convenient.
  • If you’re getting emails from creeps, anonymous jerks or friendly strangers; get their IP addresses. You can find that out by searching “view long headers in your email client“. Pass those along to the FBI.
  • If you’re being targeted by an extortion site, NEVER pay. If no one buys into the filth, perhaps we can starve these disgusting sites together.
  • Do what you can, but then move on. Don’t let it ruin your day or they’ve essentially won.

Who knows if this issue will get completely resolved. Maybe that post will get filtered down by all the other disgusting porn out there. It’ll be a tiny speck inside a drop in the large bucket of the gross underbelly of the internet and I’ll never think of it again.

melissaesplin-family-photos-sarah-wilkes-2

My hope is that anyone who has been victimized by cyberbullying in the past, present or future will know they’re not alone. There are things we can do about it (although I wish DDOS-ing the website in question were an option). Speak up and don’t take crap from bullies!

To end on a more inspirational note, I love this antibullying campaign published by the LDS church. It goes beyond religion – in my opinion – and strikes a chord that I think we can all relate to.

All images by Sarah Wilkes.

UPDATE: I’ve found a few great resources online talking about this very thing. Read how this woman basically dropped everything to take down an evil sitemaster running several revenge porn sites. Even comedy sites take these kinds of attacks seriously. Utah legislation passed a revenge porn bill, now it’s up to the governor to sign off on it. There’s not a whole lot government can do about this kind of thing, but raising awareness is a good start. If you want to get legislation to pass a revenge porn bill in your state, speak up about it here.

Watch the segment on Good Morning America for more tips from experts.

Also, Here’s another article with a list of things to do if you find yourself in this position.

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    1. elaine says:

      melissa, i’m so sorry!! :( i hope this gets resolved quickly. no one should have to go through this. i can’t understand how people could do things like that. wishing you the best. you’re so strong to have gone through so much of this already.

    2. Tash says:

      That is absolutely horrid! I hope it does get sorted quickly. What on earth even prompts a person to do something like this to ANYONE, let alone a completely innocent person? Hugs and prayers.

    3. Erin says:

      Melissa, this is sooooo not ok. I don’t comment here much but i read your posts and you are so full of life and energy and joy and the idea that soemone has used that big beautiful smile and turned it into something that is not beautiful at all is … I have no words. I am so ANGRY for you!!
      Hold tight to your little people (and your big person too) and keep fighting.
      E xx

    4. Danelle says:

      Oh my goodness, this is insane! I’m so sorry that you have to go through something like this but it sounds like you are moving on with everything really well, especially since there’s not a lot that can be done (which is f’ing ridiculous by the way). You’re awesome Melissa, don’t ever forget it! <3

    5. Belle says:

      This is crazy and scary and I’m so so sorry that you’ve had to go through something so horrible! Thank you for being so brave and putting yourself out there to warn others. You’re amazing!

    6. Leslie says:

      I am so sorry this has happened to you Melissa. There are a lot of insecure people out there that need to feel they have worth and unfortunately in their minds this is how they do it…either by words or pictures. Bottom line..it is a control issue and they think they have control, they don’t YOU DO. I have been online a long long time and did the chat room thing on AOL. You would be surprised at what goes on and what is said, done, and the rumors started. It makes you think sometimes that most human beings aren’t worth the skin they are stuffed into.
      All I can say is DON”T let it touch or affect you because if you do then they won. I know that’s a hard suggestion to do but it works once you plant it in your mind. Anyone with half a brain that reads your blog KNOWS you wouldn’t do that.
      You have the backing of hundreds of people that read your blog, PLEASE don’t let a zero person get to you.
      My thoughts are with you and your family.
      Warm regards
      Leslie

    7. I am at a loss for words. I am so sorry, and this is unbelievably not ok.

    8. Preethi says:

      So, so sorry this happened to you. How awful and terrifying. Thank you for bravely sharing this!

    9. Tori says:

      This is so horrible. I am sorry you had to go through this. Your site is beautiful and you are a wonderful artist. Don’t let the negative people int he world get you down!

    10. Kathy says:

      Melissa – I’m so sorry that this happened to you. Please try to focus on your beautiful family, and your wonderful talents, and don’t let this awful experience dampen your spirit.

    11. phil says:

      ohh this makes me angry but you are stronger than those nasty people !!!

    12. megannielsen says:

      Oh man Melissa. That is just so awful. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. The world really is a disgusting place :( Will praying for you honey, and that there may be some way to pull the junk off that site. Big hugs sweetheart

    13. iralee says:

      how terrible!!!!! i hope it doesnt give you too much grief! and also that it gets resolved asap!!!

    14. Cody says:

      Hi I am really sorry to say this but I found out about you on the news and I hope things get sorted out soon. On the bright side however I am sure that this incident will bring you more students.
      I am interested in your page because I have always wanted to learn calligraphy but I am left handed. Do you have any resources for Lefties?

      • Melissa says:

        Thanks for your kind words! I would love to teach you calligraphy. I have some instruction for lefties in the coursework, but I also have supplemental resources, images and video for those that need a little more assistance with proper positioning.

    15. Summer says:

      Melissa: this both disgusts and angers me on your behalf. I am shocked at how horrid people can be sometimes. Keep your head up. Thinking about you.

    16. Laura says:

      I saw your story on ksl mobile. I did a bit of googling since I couldn’t remember the names, but I found the article I was looking for. I have no idea if this can help you but I know she’s helped a lot of others in your situation so it would be worth contacting her.

      Charlotte Laws’ daughter had her computer hacked and sexual images of her were posted online. Charlotte took down the man and the website who did it to her. Here is the article:
      http://www.xojane.com/it-happened-to-me/charlotte-laws-hunter-moore-erin-brockovich-revenge-porn
      If anyone can help you get the images taken down, I think she’s a good bet. Good luck!

      • Melissa says:

        Thanks for posting this link! I had read it a while ago, but I forgot how I stumbled across it. I can’t help but feel a little paranoid after reading it, but it’s awesome to see that someone was successful in actually taking one of these deplorable sites down.

    17. Kristin H says:

      Holy crap! Talk about an anxiety attack. How violating. Hurrah to you for doing the right thing and not giving them a cent. *hugs*

    18. Lizzy says:

      Ohh!! so terrible!!! I imagine your feelings. I hope this terrible thing stop.

    19. Kristie says:

      I saw this article, and was shocked to see someone I look up to as be a super awesome crafty mom. They really don’t care, do they?
      Thanks for sharing the links, and things we can do to help ourselves.
      You are awesome!

    20. Celeste says:

      <3

      You were so smart to go to the news about this! Natalie and I were talking about it, and apparently a lot of other women have had this happen but they just shut down their social media sites and don't report it. So sad!

      Glad you're the strong, confident woman you are and are speaking out about it in a proactive and optimistic way.

    21. dori says:

      I’ve been a reader of your blog for a long time, and was really horrified to read this happened to you. The way you are handling it is super admirable. I’m so sorry though. What a terrible shock and a wake-up about the creeps that exist out there. Hang in there. You’re awesome.

    22. Lady ID says:

      Oh my goodness. This is so awful – sorry to hear that you are dealing with this. I will be praying for you. As a blogger too, this is very scary.

    23. Kirsten says:

      I am so shocked that something like this happened. But I’m very happy that you’re not letting this get you down; you are so strong. I want to thank you for speaking up about this. Go you!

    24. Allison says:

      I hate this! I saw the article on KSL yesterday and recognized you. I’m so sorry this happened. I’m so glad you are speaking out about it though. Hopefully people will be more cautious and aware because of the work you are doing. xo

    25. Heidi Lassila says:

      Oh my goodness. I’m so sorry you had/have to deal with this. It’s unfortunate that for all the great things that come with the internet, there are just as many terrible things. I hope you get it all figured out soon so you can move on.

    26. gabrielle z says:

      That’s awful! I’m so sorry you had/have to experience that.
      I love that you included family pictures with this post. Such a strong reminder to cling to those you love in rough times. I wish you luck and love!

    27. Tori says:

      I saw it on KSL and couldn’t believe that there are people out there doing those kinds of things. Makes me nervous to even have a Facebook and Instagram account. This terrible!

      • Melissa says:

        If anything, this should make you have MORE of a presence on Facebook and Instagram! If you have loads of real photos attached to your online presence, there will be less likelihood of revenge porn showing up on the first page of google search results.

    28. tara says:

      How awful for you. You have handled this with grace and addressed the issue without engaging your attackers in a way to escalate the situation. I’m glad you are not letting this stop you from blogging.
      Beautiful shots of you and your family. Well done. xx

    29. This is so awful, it makes me want to shut down my blog and never go online again. How scary!! I hope it all works out as best it can for you! Thanks for sharing your story.

    30. Melissa says:

      Melissa, this breaks my heart! I’m so sorry this is something you’re having to deal with. Thank you for always being a shining light!

    31. I have been following you for a few years now and when I heard this it just made me sick. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. I love your positive attitude and that you had the courage to report and talk about it. I’ve been impressed by your creativity and fun personality and now by your grace under pressure.

    32. LizlovesCam says:

      You go, girl! Show those people that you will not be bullied or scared into silence. Thank you for being a voice to the countless people who have suffered something like this in their lives. You’re awesome; keep on doing what you’re doing <3

    33. Delia says:

      I hate this so much for you!! I am so so sorry this has happened to you. You are so brave and such a wonderful example of having the right attitude. You are wonderful!

    34. Angel Y. says:

      This is absolutely terrible! Melissa thank you for being brave enough to share your story and gather awareness about this issue.

    35. Awwww, I’m so sorry Melissa. I just hate this for you. You have the best attitude and thank you for sharing your story!

    36. Me says:

      This happened to me quite a few years ago in another way. Same thing…stolen photos, slander, etc. Even worse it was an “anonymous” page and google refused to turn over who owned it- even with a lawyer. I would have to go to trial and spend thousands…I opted to not let it ruin my day. Dont let it ruin you and your beautiful family.

    37. I simply cannot imagine what you are going through. I had a woman from France steal images of my children from my parenting blog and share them as her own – hordes of French commenters on this website/forum emailed me when they suspected she wasn’t telling the truth. She had been soliciting them for money :(

      I just want you to know you are not alone, and that I am here to talk any time. Proud of you taking a stand!

    38. Victoria says:

      This is such a terrible thing that happened to you! I hope that so much can come from you telling your story. I’ve already seen Cosmo online and my small hometown in CANADA pick up your story and shared it. You are so strong and I hope only good things can come from this for you, your family and anyone who is experiencing cyber bulling!

      Keep fighting!

    39. Naomi says:

      I am so horrified that you’re having to deal with this. Ridiculous!

    40. I’m so sorry to hear that Melissa! I hope that somehow whoever is behind this can be tracked down and stopped. That’s horrible and way to go for standing up for yourself! Goes to show you that not everyone who goes through this made ‘a stupid mistake’… sometimes it’s all fake!

    41. Ada says:

      Wow! I can’t believe the things I’m seeing and reading regarding this kind of situations, I read an article on Cosmopolitan about other women who experienced cyberbulling and revenge porn! I bumped into your story on cosmopolitan.com, and again I am horrified to know this kind of things keep happening! I hope that one day those bad people get punished for playing around in such a low way. Big hugs!

    42. Polly says:

      Way to go, Melissa! I’m sorry that you had this happen to you, but I’m so proud that you’re dealing with it by standing up to them and educating people about it. Loved your interview!!

    43. Shelby says:

      Wow, Melissa, that is horrid. What a load of crap to have to deal with, sorry that happened to you! Thanks for being brave enough to confront it head on and even post about it here!! Hopefully it never happens to me, but now at least I have your advice on how to handle it if it does (and know that it exists… otherwise I would just totally freak out).

    44. Jessica @ Running With Scissors says:

      I think it shows how strong a person you are to deal with it in a way that is inspiring to report it and do your best to move on and not let them win. You are so amazing as a person along with all your talents.

    45. Wayne says:

      I just saw this on the news. I am trying to get the website closed down for TOS violations.

    46. aearthr says:

      This is so scary. Thanks for sharing your horrifying experience. Never know there is such a thing happen. Will take precaution.

    47. Anna says:

      Melissa I am so so sorry you have to deal with this !!! I am utterly horrified. Your blog is one of my top favorites for inspiration and motivation, and you’ve had a huge positive impact on my creative drive. Do not worry about how this will affect your reputation and brand, because you are obviously NOT the type of person that site tried to portray you as…as anyone who actually visits your blog for 2 seconds will see. PS On a positive note, I did like the “behind the scenes” peek on the news story :)

    48. Julia says:

      I was so shocked when I heard your voice on KSL on Wednesday, and then watched the story later. What an ABSOLUTE nightmare!!! I’m so so sorry about it.

      On a happy note, those pics of you and Chris and your children make me happy. Let’s get together soon!

    49. margo says:

      Melissa- Saw your name pop up on my AOL news banner this morning & I thought whaaatt?! So so sorry you are having to deal with this. The things we have put in front of us… Thank you for your stand-up & informative approach. I applaud you.

    50. Wayne says:

      Just to update you, I had contacted the company providing the DNS services. They had told the owner of the website to remove the illegal content, and it now appears that the page posted on you was removed.

      Even though your page was removed, I am still trying to get the entire website closed down. With website registration listing someone in the Philippines and hosting servers pointing to The Netherlands, it is taking a little longer than I had thought, and the ownership information provided for the account does not seem to be fully valid. This is after contacting the DNS company, which further hid the information by listing details for a registration privacy company in Hong Kong. The ownership of the domain and overall content of the website has been changed several times over the years, and the owner is doing quite a lot to hide what they are doing.

      The person running the website is clearly doing something illegal. If you had noticed, they wanted the extortion payments sent through Western Union to someone in the Philippines. I had contacted Western Union to see if they will block all payments to this person. I believe this website and others used to use PayPal for receiving their extortion payments, but after I had contacted PayPal about that and various states started legislation against this type of activity payments could no longer be sent using that method.

      It is very likely that the owner of the website is from the United States. The people listed on the website are mostly from the United States. They are probably using someone in the Philippines to act as a money mule to help launder the money and avoid taxes.

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