Procrastination & Anxiety


Yesterday was all about procrastinating finishing my Project Run & Play entry. I might be getting a little burned out by the competition. Or perhaps my disheveled house is catching up to me. Seriously, I believe I did 10 loads of laundry yesterday.

The lighting was just perfect yesterday while I was working on this week’s sewing project, I couldn’t help but snap a few candids of Felix. He’s really starting to move around a lot more. It was a fight to get him to stay in one place, but that’s a problem I’m happy to have!

He’s been practically stationery until this last month. And he’s 14 months old. Felix and I are working really hard at getting him up to speed and he’s responding really well to the physical therapy. It wears us both out, but it’s so exciting to see him growing. I can’t help but worry that his delayed physical development is all my fault.

I feel a lot of guilt surrounding his growth. I’m sure I’m not the only mother who has anxiety about this. I can’t help but asking: Am I playing with him enough? Am I molly-coddling him too much or not enough? Is he getting the right nutrition he needs? Will he be an independent child as he grows older? Are my “extra-curricular” projects holding him back? Or is he just one of those kids who does things on his own timeline?

Oh please, God, let it be the latter.

I am one lucky mama to have my incredibly sweet, beautiful, healthy children; Penelope and Felix. I really do thank God every day for being blessed with them in our little family. I would be nothing without them.

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    1. Anna @ IHOD says:

      I was really feeling strongly about the same things when Veronica turned one. Its just the heart of a mother I think. We want the best for our children, and we let guilt creep in too often. I imagine he gets lots of lovin which is the most children want.
      He is precious.

    2. Kara says:

      My son didn’t walk until 15 months, and he barely crawled before that – he just log rolled everywhere! It was hard to watch other children become mobile before him, but he was just doing it his own way. Now he is a speed demon and I can barely remember the times before he was running everywhere. Each child is different, and from Felix’s big smiles I can tell he is well loved and cared for. That is what really matters!

    3. Melissa says:

      Who ever came up with milestones and percentiles needs a swift kick in the booty. My very cuddly son was “late” rolling over and everyone said it must be because I hold him too much. I always got stink eye from people about it. But my friend was told her son may have ADHD because he prefers to play by himself over cuddling. Babies are individuals.

      If these photos are any indication, you have a very happy healthy baby boy! You are obviously doing something right.

    4. ira lee says:

      you are a good mommy and shouldnt worry yourself with guilt!!! he is exactly as he is suppose to be (and hello teeth!!!). my first child was an only child for 7 yrs, and she was the absolute center of everything!!!! now she is 14, beautiful, but VERY co dependant. baby #2, was completely spoiled by his 7 year old sister. he only had to point and grunt and sister would bend over backwards to give him what he wanted. this resulted in little to no vocals until almost 2 yrs old!!! but unlike his sister, he can play alone with literally anything he finds for hours at a time, something his sister would never do. kids are different, they have their own little personalities and quirks, but we love them just the same!!!

    5. Taylor says:

      I’m afraid all the guilt comes with the job description. That was one of the most surprising things to me as I became a mother. I think we all just always feel anxiety and worry that we’re doing something wrong. Everytime my 2 year old does something bratty I start thinking back to anything I could have done to cause it, adn then I have to remind myself she’s just a 2 year old!

      I’m sure you’re going to look back on this and laugh that you ever worried! He seems happy and healthy to me!

    6. elizabeth says:

      I can totally relate. My third child was this way and also had some sensory issues as well.

      I know you are close but not sure what school district. Are you working with Kids on the Move? I cannot say enough good about our physical and occupational therapist…they were absolutely amazing to work with!

    7. Julia says:

      Look at him! He has made such huge progress in the past 2 months! Seriously, look at him sitting and trying to get places. You should be proud of all that hard work, which I don’t doubt is exhausting! We worry so much as mothers, don’t we? You should totally give yourself a break! He is happy. That’s awesome.

    8. nicia says:

      He’s an Esplin. Esplin boys are stubborn and definitely do things on their own timetable! Ha. Logan is in speach therapy because he just wouldn’t talk. But the extra help is doing much good. I promise it’s not you. Every child is different and developes at different times. So if you start to blame yourself again just remember….he is an Esplin!!! Hahaha. Hugs.

    9. nicia says:

      ….okay…maybe it’s just my esplin boys. Who knows!

    10. phil says:

      you have two beautiful children :-)

    11. Melissa,
      my first son didn’t move a lot until he started to walk. No crawling. We tried hard, we played a lot with him and bought all the tools we could to help him. He walked at close to 17 months old! We saw a therapist when he was about 2 and she agreed he was a little late in terms of motor skills. But his speech skills were way ahead.
      With my second boy, who’s 2 now, it’s pretty much the opposite (he could walk with assistance at 8 months old).
      My oldest did catch up slowly but surely. At now almost 6 years old, you can’t tell he was “late”.
      Don’t beat yourself. It’s alright to keep an eye on what worry you, but like others have said before me, each child is different.

    12. CoraD says:

      Oh my lovely – it’s all gonna be okay. My oldest didn’t crawl or move herself around until she was 12 months old. And when she did, she looked so put out that she had to move herself around. She did not walk until 17 months. She now runs and jumps and climbs. Her sister started crawling at 10 mos and is getting ready to walk at 13 months.

      Rebecca Wolf (Girl’s Gone Child) wrote that her two older kids did not walk until they were almost two. Knowing that helped calm my anxieties.

      I also struggle with anxiety over doing enough for my kids. A friend gave me some great advice: if they know they are loved and love in return, then you are doing your job.


    13. Ashley says:

      My (first) daughter was 18 months before she started walking. She just turned two and is running everywhere and chatting up a storm. She has certainly caught up with the other kids who were walking early. Don’t worry too much!

    14. Sara says:

      Hey Melissa – My daughter didn’t sit up until 10 months, crawled at 15 months, and started walking at 19 months. She is perfect. So is Felix.

    15. marissa says:

      natural worries every mom has, but all kids will do things in their own time; they answer to no one’s schedule but their own. one of our boys is 100% like this – with everything! anxiety-provoking, but everything always works out in the end so worry but don’t worry :).

      he is so adorable (his mouth is such a perfect shape!) and he looks so amazingly happy and that’s really the most important part. plus, once he gets more mobile and he’s climbing everything and getting into all your projects, pen’s stuff, the laundry, and everything else he can get into, you will miss the days when he sat still more. hahahaha!

      hugs, m

    16. Emily says:

      What a cutie! Glad you caught up around the house. Ansley refused to walk without holding our fingers til she was 14 or 15 months. Every kid is different. :)

    17. kate says:

      he’s so happy though, that’s what matters! you’re a good mom :)

    18. Jessica says:

      Girl! This kind of breaks my heart. Our kids are similar in age, mine just turned 3 and 1, and I can relate to the guilt of not spending enough time with them during this competition. And it also all caught up to me this third week. I am most definitely counting down the minutes to Elsie’s naps each day and then letting the TV babysit Hendrix WAY more than I would like. I rationalize by telling myself it’s only temporary and blah blah blah… and though I’m having fun doing this thing, I really look forward to a lot of extra special days with my full attention on the kids. Hang in there. You are a good mom and that Felix looks pretty dang awesome. Can’t wait to see your look tomorrow!

    19. Aw, don’t fret so much, I know a few kids who didn’t move until that age or later and they’re all terrifyingly intelligent little goobers! The late movers that I’ve had experience with have all been very busy observing. I wouldn’t be shocked at all if they turn out to be the brightest bulbs in the classrooms.

    20. Madeline says:

      These pictures are gorgeous! Perfect lighting! What kind of back ground are you using?

      I am sorry it is stressing you out, but babies do things on their own time. I am sure his mobility schedule has nothing to do with you! Don’t let mom guilt get you down.


    21. Pamela says:

      As Mothers we all have “natural instincts” that helps us know what is best for our children. We can thank God for that. Trust your gut. Your a great Mom.

    22. I don’t really know any details about the challenges you have had…but I just want to encourage you. It normally to worry but you will see that everything will turn out just fine :)
      My youngest daughter Sophie will turn 4 in August. We discovered that she had a very severe speech problem not long after her first birthday. She literally made no sounds or expressions at all up until then. One day I just realized oh my gosh my baby hardly smiles or makes expressions and doesn’t razz or laugh or anything. But she did make this strange hissing sound and was disinterested in learning the signs I tried to teach her. She was evaluated and we were told that she had speech appraxia and that they suspected autism because in all other respects she ws very advanced for her age. We did the speech therapy and everything “they” told us to do but nothing helped she still didn’t talk. So we made the hard decision to discontinue the speech therapy. I remember inwardly panicking thinking what it something I did wrong? was it because the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck at birth?…is it because I didn’t take fish oil or something? I think we are too hard on ourselves as parents sometimes. But you know as a mother you have to go with your instincts.
      The following October after she turned 2 she started to speak -not well but it was a start and her speech has continued to improve. She caught right up to everything she “should” be doing at this age. She will benefit from speech once she starts preschool in August but she has made a complete turn around. I’m sorry this is so long. I credit God with all of her success and I know he will take care of Felix too! Those people told me my daughter might never talk but they were wrong! Now she won’t hush!!! haha:)))))

    23. Mary says:

      I’m a first-time mom of a 20-month-old girl. I have befriended several mothers with children in my baby’s age group, and one thing is clear: EACH CHILD IS A SNOWFLAKE. They have their own pace for every little thing on the list.

      Your little guys will catch up in his own time, and a year from now you will wonder why you ever worried about his development.

      FInally, ask yourself this one question: do you put your children before yourself, doing all you can to raise them in a home filled with light and love? Most women can honestly say yes. And yet we still find ways to worry whether enough is enough — that is what makes us mothers.

      I can tell by the tone of your writing that you adore your children, that you work hard to provide for them in your profession and that you are constantly keeping yourself in check to see if there’s any last thing that you can do better.

      GIve yourself a break. And then get back to it. You’re on the right track. Keep fighting the good fight.

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